Relaxation takes practice. We may feel like it should just come naturally, but what did you do the last time someone told you to "relax." Personally, I get irritated when someone says that to me. They're not wrong, but they're not making it easy either.

The Dalai Lama said "If you can't do anything about it, why worry? If you can do something about it, why worry?" So, let's do something about it!

Being on the massage table, many clients find it hard to give up control of their limbs or head. They instinctively want to "help." Sometimes we do take an active approach and ask you to move your body against resistance, for example, but most of the time, your job as the client is to relax. Easier said than done.

Receiving massage is a skill. When you've got an elbow in your hamstrings, it's easy to freak out and think you might be in imminent danger. But if you can convince yourself that you're actually on a heated massage table and the therapist is here to help, you may be able to let go of that tension. When we see the scrunches in your face, the toes curling, and feel your body resist the pressure, we back off. The more you can relax, the better we can get to your deeper tissues. But the pressure is a stressor, so you have to employ some de-stressing techniques to work through it.

Try this (for deep tissue massage or anything stressful, really): Bring your awareness to your breath. Feel the cool air enter your nostrils and the warm moist air exit. Notice if it's stronger in the left or right. Feel your belly rise and expand as the diaphragm presses into your abdominal organs to make way for the air sponges of your lungs to expand. You may feel gurgles in your belly as your organs move. This is normal! If you pass gas, it's just a sign of the body relaxing. It's ok.

This breath awareness can take your mind off the momentary pain of tissues changing. It resets you into parasympathetic response (rest & digest) rather than the fight-flight-freeze response of the sympathetic nervous system. It also engages the diaphragm, which stimulates the vagus nerve, which is critical in the parasympathetic response. Many people get into a habit of using the muscles in the neck to lift the rib cage off the lungs. This causes all manner of neck and shoulder problems and is itself stressful and has less impact on the vagus nerve. It's a habit worth attempting to break. These little muscles can do it, but they're not designed to do it for long and they get angry and tired trying to do all that work when the big old lazy diaphragm could do it if it would just engage!